Cricketers Who Thought Of Committing Suicide At Some Point

Depression in sport or cricket had been mostly unheard of, as far as the ancient era is concerned. But again the sporting world wasn’t as demanding, and athletes or cricketers weren’t subject to enormous pressure back then. And even if sportspeople happen to experience such feelings, openly discussing it wasn’t encouraged either.

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The result of not talking explicitly about those can be toxic to ranging from taking their life. Like all other sports even in cricket, cricketers have had thoughts of putting an end to their lives when things didn’t go their way either in their professional or personal lives. While some cricketers ended up taking their life, others came out on the other side of it. They reached out for help at the correct time and hence they turned out alright.

We take a look at a few cricketers, who contemplated suicide at some point:

S Sreesanth:

Former Indian fast bowler S Sreesanth looked upon heading into a reasonably successful career. Even though he hadn’t cemented his place in the side, Sreesanth delivered at some grandest stages. However, it all came crashing down in the 2013 edition of the Indian Premier League. Along with Ajit Chandila and Ankeet Chavan, the Kerala speedster was arrested for spot-fixing. Sreesanth spent a few months in jail before BCCI slapped a life ban on him in August 2013.

He maintained his innocence throughout. Even as the Delhi court exonerated him of all the charges in 2015, the life ban remained. In the television reality show named Bigg Boss, the 37-year-old revealed that he considered suicide, watching his career fall apart. As of 2020, BCCI reduced his ban to seven years which means he would be eligible to play first-class and international cricket in September.

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Mohammed Shami:

Mohammed Shami has established himself as the lynchpin of India’s fast-bowling attack across formats at present. But there was a phase when Mohammed Shami was at an all-time low. During an Instagram session with fellow teammate Rohit Sharma, Shami disclosed that he thought of committing suicide thrice.

It began after the 2015 World Cup when the injury that he suffered took 18 months to heal. The Bengal pacer went on to say that when he resumed playing, he was going through personal issues and wouldn’t have overcome those if his family hadn’t supported him. Someone had to stay with him every minute of the day.

“When I got injured in the 2015 World cup, after that it took me 18 months to fully recover, that was the most painful moment in my life, it was a very stressful period. When I started playing again, I had to go through some personal issues, I think if my family did not support me I would not have made it, I also thought of committing suicide three times.

Someone used to stay with me 24*7, I was not well mentally, my family was there for me, if your family is there then you can get through any situation,” Shami added. “If my family was not there then I might have taken a bad step, but I thank my family for being with me throughout.” he said as quoted by Hindustan Times.

Lou Vincent:

Lou Vincent represented New Zeland across three formats, notably playing 102 ODIs and last played in 2007. In 2014, the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) following his confession of fixing matches. In an interview long ago, with a local news channel, NewsTalk B, the 41-year old admitted that at one point he felt so ashamed and depressed that he thought of committing suicide.

Vincent said that as a kid, he loved cricket more than anything else and he was ashamed of bringing the sport into disrepute. He went on to say that instead of feeling free after the confession, the guilt had wrapped around him to feel depressed and ashamed most of the times.

“I loved cricket – it was in my heart since the age of four – but I gave it away and lost respect for it. I had a chip on my shoulder, but to make the most of life again it was something I had to put to bed. It’s just the guilt, the no way out, this wall in your head that just says you are useless, you have no purpose, you’re a loser, you’re a failure and people will know you’re a failure. You feel like that stigma is going to stick with you forever. “It’s just an out of body experience and it’s incredibly sad that a human being’s mind can allow someone to make that decision to take their life.”

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Steve Harmison:

Former England fast bowler Steve Harmison has spearheaded their attack for several years. Even as the right-arm speedster topped the bowling rankings in 2004, he had a sickening feeling before England toured South Africa. In his autobiography, named Speed Demons, Harmison has openly spoken about his struggles with mental health. He is among the many cricketers from England, who has had a mental illness and overcame it.

During the summer of 2004 even though the English side had a good run, the Durham pacer felt brightness growing dank. The feeling of depression was beginning to rule upon him on away series. The 41-year old further said that no matter which profession anyone is attached to, depression hits and doesn’t go away easily. When asked by the team doctors about the feeling of self-harm, his answer was inclined to a positive one.

“The horrible truth was those same feelings which had consumed me on trips abroad were overpowering me again, and this time it had nothing to do with being away from home. The demons had not bothered to travel. They had come to get me at home, in the middle of a very successful English summer.

That’s the thing with depression: It doesn’t care if you’re a millionaire, a successful doctor, a nurse, postman, airline pilot…and it doesn’t care if you’re the number one bowler in the world. The honest answer was “Maybe”. I can’t say there haven’t been some dark times where I thought it would be easier if I wasn’t here.” Harmison said as quoted by Cricbuzz.

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Moises Henriques:

Australian cricketer Moises Henriques opened up on his struggles with depression quite recently. Having represented the national team in 11 T20Is, 11 ODIs, and four Tests and having last played in 2017. He was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2017. Due to struggle with injuries and forms, Henriques couldn’t maintain his spot in the Australian team for long.

The Portuguese-born recalled thinking of the consequences of crashing his car on to some pillar or a pole while driving on a highway. However, the thought of leaving his family and the team at the altar changed his mind. Henriques further revealed that due to such feelings, he was forced to have to stop the car and take a few minutes to calm himself down.

“I remember thinking to myself in the car, I’m doing 110 on the highway thinking if I just turn this car into here, into the pillar or somewhere? I didn’t want to create a crash, thinking if I just ran straight into this pole what would happen? What would the consequence of what would happen there?

I can’t do that, it’s not fair on my brothers, it’s not fair on Krista, it’s not fair on all these people that are there for me, I can’t leave my team with 10 men for the next two days. I ended up having to pull over because I was crying so heavily and I was shaking. I had to pull over, just took five minutes.” the 33-year old said as quoted by India Today.

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Mickey Arthur:

Mickey Arthur is one of the most renowned cricket coaches in the world. Having coached top-notch teams like Australia, South Africa, and Pakistan, Arthur has rich coaching experience. Mickey Arthur is currently serving as the coach of Sri Lanka. During the 2019 World Cup, being the coach of Pakistan, his team suffered a heavy loss to India for the seventh time in 50-over World Cups.

Pakistan lost the rain-curtailed match in Manchester by 89 runs in a rain-curtailed, having conceded a total of 336 in 50 overs. The Duckworth-Lewis method reduced the men in green’s target to 302 in 40 overs; however, they could make only 212. Rohit Sharma’s masterful knock of 140 had put Pakistan under immense pressure on all the fronts.

The South African-born candidly said ahead of the match against New Zealand that he wanted to commit suicide after that clash. However, being the World Cup, Arthur realized they had to regroup as quickly as possible to give themselves a chance. As a player, he was one of the cricketers, who had zero international coaching experience before coming as a coach.

“Last Sunday I wanted to commit suicide. But it was, you know, it’s only one performance. It happens so quick. You lose a game; you lose another game; it’s a World Cup; media scrutiny; public expectation, and then you almost go into sort of survival mode. We’ve all been there.” Arthur said as quoted by Times Now.

Mohammad Ashraful:

When the news broke out, the thought of taking his life occurred to him more than once. During the five-year ban imposed on him, he used to think about his family and what they may have to go through in society. Ashraful revealed having talked to his brother-in-law, who gave him the example of cricketers like Mohammad Azharuddin and advised him to survive it somehow.

“I wanted to commit suicide when the news was broken by Kaler Kantho [leading Bengali daily] and it occurred few more times. I shared these thoughts with my brother-in-law [Mojibul Alam] and he did the right thing by ridiculing me. He told me that even a great player like Azharuddin has gone through such hardships.

The public and the fans will be upset, but I would have to soldier through it. I always used to think how can I survive in such a situation, how do I show my face in public, what should I tell my family, what will happen to them, how will I cover up the social stigma which will be inflicted upon me and my family.” he said as quoted by Cricbuzz.

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Praveen Kumar:

Former Indian cricketer and swing bowler Praveen Kumar was once the most sought after bowler for the national team once. An expert with the new ball, Praveen Kumar could swing the hard new ball both ways to outwit the batsman. Even with such unique abilities, the Uttar Pradesh cricketer revealed in an interview with Indian Express that he wanted to take his life using a revolver.

While on his way to Haridwar, Praveen Kumar wanted to exterminate himself and changed his mind looking at his innocent beautiful children. He lamented the lack of understanding of depression in India, and due to getting no chances and no one to talk to in Meerut, the constant feeling of irritation existed. After starting his Test career brightly in 2011, Kumar fell off the radar.

“I told myself, ‘Kya hai yeh sab? Bas khatam karte hain (What’s all this? Let me just end it). I realised I can’t do this to my phool-jaise bachche (innocent children), put them through this hell. I turned back. India mein depression concept hee kahan hota hai (Who understands depression in India)? Nobody knows about it and in Meerut, certainly not. I had no one to talk to, felt almost constant chid-chidapan (irritation). As a fast bowler, I had to do a lot of thinking (to out-smart batsmen). I told the counsellor I was unable to switch off thoughts.”

“I had been bowling so well. In England, everybody praised me. I was dreaming about a Test career. Suddenly, gaya sab kuchch (it was all gone). I got the feeling everybody thought PK was retired, not free. Does no one know the Uttar Pradesh Ranji team doesn’t have a bowling coach? I should be with the team and not be sitting here in Meerut.

I used to fear myself a few months ago, apne aap sey darr tha. That’s what bad time does. If someone didn’t answer my call, I would feel terrible, neglected. It killed me inside. Thankfully, that dark phase is behind me. Koi nahin, PK phir waapis aayega.”

Makhaya Ntini:

Makhaya Ntini was one of the most deadly fast bowlers and one of the most decorated cricketers during his playing days. Along with Shaun Pollock, Ntini formed one of the most formidable new-ball bowling combinations. With 390 scalps in 101 Tests, he is Proteas’ third-highest wicket-taker in Tests. However, as the bowling coach of Zimbabwe in 2016, he didn’t have a good time.

Zimbabwean cricketers’ lacklustre showing in the second ODI as well provoked Makhaya Ntini to say that he would have hanged himself if there was a tomato tree outside. The hosts crashed to a defeat by eight wickets to India in 26.5 overs after scoring only 126 in 34 overs while being in a good position. The loss also meant that the men in blue won the three-game ODI series very comfortably.

Aside from the willingness to take his life after the loss, the retired speedster lamented this men’s ineptness and irresponsibility. He felt that Zimbabwe could have got themselves into a much stronger position from where they were. After a 67-run stand between Chamu Chibhabha and Vusi Sibanda, the hosts lost their last six wickets for only 20 runs.

“I almost hung myself. If there was a tomato tree outside I would have hung myself in that tomato tree. It’s no good. We have experienced players with us who can easily read the game. We were in the perfect position.” the 42-year old told AFP.

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